"Where did you go??"
Hello again, Dear Readers ☺
I'm sorry I disappeared without saying anything for so long. I truly didn't intend to do so, but I did. I hope you'll be able to offer me your understanding!
If you are unaware, I live with fairly severe depression and anxiety, both of which are affected by my hypothyroidism. While I have felt mostly good for a while now, at the end of February I found myself . . . worn out. That's really the only way I can think to describe it, haha. I woke up one day, and the thought of having to write and schedule blog posts, schedule social media posts, create graphics, write--pretty much anything and everything having to do with my job, including reading--made me feel like I would rather curl up in a ball and sleep for the next century.
So I didn't do it.
I'd intended to only miss a week, but time kept passing, and every thought of work continued to make me feel like a shadow of my former self. I very often feel like I must give 100% of myself to you if I want to keep you around. Unfortunately, I don't ever have that much to give. My batteries run out, and I have to stop. This time around, I managed to convince myself that I was shouting into the void, wasting my time, working myself to the bone for little to no interaction from you. Sometimes, I still feel that is true.
I don't tell you this to make you feel bad or throw a pity party for myself. I just wanted to share why exactly I stopped posting. Why I stopped reaching out. Why I don't send newsletters. Why I may not have responded to your message. I may not be able to share 100% of myself, but I have no problem being 100% honest.
In truth, I am still exhausted. The urge to write has been slowly filtering back, though, as has the desire to share with you here. It was this video that made me feel like I could come back and say something:
This post isn't so much a creative idea as it is an apology and love letter to you ♥ I'd been feeling like I should say something about where I went, but kept thinking it went against the happy vibe I want to share with my posts. That video made me realize there was no need to not do it. Posting once wouldn't throw me back into the schedule. Sharing how I was feeling wouldn't make the happy things I share in the future less happy. This is my life right now. If I want to share it, then I can, no planning needed.
I love my job, and I love that I get to create and share things with you. Sometimes I need a break. I hope you'll understand that. If you are a long-time follower of mine, you probably recognize this pattern in me. I wish I could say it won't happen again in the future, but that would be a lie. It probably will. Mental health is a journey, not a destination. Please stick with me while I'm on it ☺
In the meantime, I'm getting back into reading and writing. I can't promise you'll see a lot from me in the near future, but I'll get back to my schedule at some point. I've been rating and reviewing what I'm reading on Goodreads, if you'd like to friend me there. As the picture says, reading makes you better, and I'm doing my best to get better as soon as possible ♥
